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The person who hurts you the most is also the person you feel the strongest for [Jan. 6th, 2011|03:33 am]
The image uploader on livejournal really sucks. I can't upload pictures from my camera cos i guess the files are too big. Supposed to post the few pictures from gym outing last week :(

Anyway, chinese new year is coming up in about a month, i think. So that means gambling, CNY goodies and most importantly ang baos. I should get into the CNY mood so I practiced my mahjong skills today! Hehe played from evening til 10.30pm today over at Fran's place with Zhixin and Cheryl. Headed down to chinatown before that with Cheryl to get Koi for everyone. We were talking about receiving our results in like 5 days and about the courses and polys we'll end up in. Talking about it got me even more worried. Im gonna be a very unhappy girl if i can't make it into Tourism :'( I hope i'll enter the same poly as someone im close to, so i wouldn't need to spend breaks all by myself.

I've been shopping online quite a lot recently, i blew all my money on shopping the past month. I really really need to start working. I feel like such a loser esp when i read other people's tweets about their work and all. Everybody complains that they wanna quit cos it's so tiring but at least they're doing smth productive. Im spending my holiday watching tv series, hanging around outside playing taidi and currently, mahjong. Yeah i guess it's relaxing and slow-paced and i get to sleep in and stay up late, but i want money!!! I want to have the cash so i can enjoy good food with my friends and buy lots and lots of pretty new clothes. Wanna get more stuff from Supre and also F21, im intending to ask Mummy to fund my shopping from those sites for my CNY clothes :P I hope i'll be able to start work very soon after the 10th at Sour Sally. But im a little nervous about working there cos i might have to work alone quite often. Actually im more afraid of working with some judgemental bimbo. Okay that was quite contradicting. Hahahah. Pray that work at Sour Sally is comfortable and fun. I might work a full 12 hour shift when i get used to working there.

We didn't go travelling in 2010. Parents told us to choose between going to Turkey, US, Korea or Taiwan for our holiday prolly somewhere in March this year. Im excited! :) But we'll be on a package tour unless we decide to go with Taiwan, which will be mainly a shopping trip. The alternative is that both of us get $1000 each if we choose not to travel. Dilemma dilemma. Discussing a trip to Bintan with friends somewhere in February too. The rest wanna go to Genting instead cos they say it's more fun and that it's safer there, but parents will never let me step into Malaysia, esp if they're not the ones taking me. Ugh. Currently only 4 of us should be able to go, we need to have 3 more people so we can book Angsoka. I really hope we'll go through with this trip. It'll be nice to swim in the middle of the night in a private pool or sit by the poolside to play taidi or to play around on the beach. Take really nice pictures. Oh well.

Okay i gotta go to bed already, round 2 of mahjong tmrw then stayover at Andreanna's :)

2011 [Jan. 4th, 2011|05:14 am]
Happy new year everyone!!!

I had a timeout with my livejournal last year and im back in 2011 :) Hehe. Time has been passing really fast. A little too quickly, in fact. I mean we are getting back our O level results in less than a week already. After the first paper, O levels seemed to be over in a few days. Right now, i can't even rmb how i managed to get through that crazily stressful period. I spent everyday just sitting by my desk, which was cluttered with random pieces of paper and books strewn all over the place. Behaved like a mad woman the night before my Geog paper cos i hadn't finished all chapts and there was also Amath on the same day. I am so glad Os are fucking over. I can already see myself sobbing uncontrollably and hugging my friends on results day. Having mixed feelings about receiving my results :( I'm afraid to begin my poly life. New friends new environment new everything. I wanna make new friends but i hate making the first move. I hope someone will talk to me on my first day in schl.

Gym outing last Monday. Didn't really work out though. We were supposed to have lunch tgther then a movie, but when Cheryl and I met them nobody even acknowledged us. We just got stared at....so whatever, we went off on our own to Soup Spoon. It was my first time there and the mushroom soup is good but everything there is so expensive. They were supposed to call us when they were done with lunch but when we went back to look for them we found out they were already at KTV. Sat down outside Vivo to play taidi then Yingjia and Li Si went to look for us so we went into the KTV room with them. Nobody really sang, it was basically just a kpop mv marathon. Shit happened after that. Ugh. Things have been going nowhere but down for me since. I've been home alot after that too. Felt fucking fat on Wednesday so i went jogging alone downstairs. Didn't eat in 24hrs so i got light headed after running about 1.5 rounds. Sat down at the bench for some time before going up to squat outside my gate for 20 minutes cos Daddy wasn't back from buying dinner. Been a long time since i felt that horrible, i was so close to fainting :/ Went out with Andreanna on Thursday. We ate Ban Mian at Tiong Bahru Market for lunch then headed to town to watch Yogi Bear. It's a stupid but pretty funny show. Walked around until night time then had our dinner at Graffiti Cafe at Cine. Dad wasn't being nice cos he demanded that i should've been home before 11pm. Booked a cab back home.

New year's eve. Went to Fran's place in the late afternoon. Was the first one there, we watched some kpop before Cheryl and Wm reached. We went downstairs for the BBQ but it totally didn't feel like a BBQ at all cos we weren't anywhere near the pit. The four of us sat at the table to eat and eat. Food was good though :) Hung around at the playground after eating then Zhixin came. Got a mian bao cao ren pouch and chocolates from her from Taiwan. HAHAH. They played with fire crackers and sparklers but i was fucking scared, so i was acting like a real bimbo. Sorry :( Took our bags from her house then we walked over to BM interchage and took a bus to opposite Safra. Walked to Henderson Waves. The climb up was terrible on my muscle aches. Found a spot to sit down and played cards. When it hit midnight, we could hear fireworks but only saw very little cos the trees were blocking. It didn't feel like new year at all. Stayed there for a while more then we walked back down to Safra and decided to play pool. Shawn joined us, we played for an hour then I cabbed home with Fran at 2plus. The next two days were spent at home watching L word. Im done with season 3 of Chuck. It's the best english series i've watched :) Im only gonna start watching Season 4 on January 17 when they continue showing the episodes on tv. Can't wait!! Went out today, joined Cheryl, Fran and Zhixin at Queensway then took a bus to Vivo to meet Andreanna after her work in the evening. Had mushroom soup at Soup Spoon again. Sat down outside Vivo after that to play taidi. It rained earlier on so the seats were damn wet but we used up all our tissue to clean the seat HAHAHA. Spent 2 hours playing taidi there and attempted to play Monopoly Deal but i didn't get it. Cheryl and Andreanna left then I took a bus back with Fran and Zhixin.

I really hope things will work out. I wish people won't misunderstand me anymore. It really sucks. I want to explain myself but i know that no matter what i say to defend myself, what you've heard can't be removed. You already have that mentality. Why does everyone like to tell other people things that do not even concern them? Im not trying to blame anyone here, but i just don't understand why i can't trust anybody. Is there not even one person i can tell everything to and be assured that my secrets are kept safe with them? I know i can be a real irritant at times. I try hard not to be. I wish someone would see how much i want to be a good person. I want to look good and be well liked. Nobody's perfect and im aware of that. But is this really too much to ask for? All of you get angry at me all the time. What do i even do? It's hard to hold everything in. I don't wanna be one of those people who bottle their feelings up. I can't even if i wanted to. I know i need to tell someone how i feel about things. I thought i could trust you. You made me believe you truly cared about me and wanted me to be happy. In the end, the people who're happy are the same few of you. For once, i wanna be the happy one. I wanna be the one not involved in complicated problems like this. I'd rather be the one mending things. When i face obstacles, i really just wanna hide at home and disappear from everyone's lives. But at the same time, i get upset cos everyone really leaves me to be. Why am i even complaining, when im the one who asked for this? I can't help it. I wonder if its the way i've been brought up. I always want everything to go my way. But i know for a fact that i've improved on this. I've improved in so many ways. Im proud of that. The one major problem that never seems to leave me alone is my insecurity. I know im rather pampered. I know i have a short temper. I know i let my emotions show. I know im not strong willed. I know i ought to be more careful with the things i say. I know it's wrong of me to complain about every single thing. How come i still don't get what i want even after everything i do and say? Obviously cos things don't go your way when you're acting like a fucking brat. I want to learn to hide my emotions. I want to learn to hold back my tears. I want to be a stronger person. I wish i care more about the people around me. I wish i would stop being so self-centred. My heart aches each time someone says im selfish/self-centred. Im not that. Im not someone who only thinks about her own happiness. I don't know. I hate myself so much. Maybe i am but im just denying it all the way cos for some reason, it hurts me so badly.

This year, im going to try harder than ever to keep my emotions in check. Not gonna let anything slip past my lips. Entering a new school and meeting new people. A chance to start afresh, make good impressions. I can't afford to screw this up. Please don't allow anybody or anything to ruin things for me. Don't bring me down anymore, please. I can't handle being called a bitch. I can't handle listening to someone go on about how irritating, selfish, dumb, ACT DUMB, unreasonable i am. Please. I wish that for once, im not the bad guy. I hate being the bad guy. Im not. I want to be nice to my friends. I try to make my friends laugh and i try to have fun with them. I try to make sure everything is okay. Please let everything be okay this year.

(no subject) [Dec. 17th, 2010|01:34 am]

3 days ago, i woke up to my phone showing "No Service". Didn't receive any messages that were sent to me, i couldn't make or receive any calls either. Survived the whole day with an inactive phone. Went down to Vivo(again) on Tuesday to pick baby up after work :) Took 65 to town and bought tickets for Let Me In. We got ourselves the large popcorn combo as usual, but 5 minutes into the adverts, A went out to buy another large box of popcorn cos we figured 1 box wasn't enough to last us for the entire movie :P Hehe. The show was not bad, it wasn't scary at all and the blood didn't frighten me. It was pretty funny at certain parts too. We walked over to Paragon to get help with my phone. The guy told me that my line had been suspended and i needed to get my mum to call up M1 and activate it again. Turns out that the missed calls i've been getting from the Customer Service no. the past few days and the weird texts abt having my bill returned were to warn me abt the possible service disruption cos my bill somehow got returned to M1 and they thought i'd moved house, so since i didnt "update with my new billing address" they cut off my line -___- Walked around a little after visiting M1 and went over to Topshop @ Knightsbridge. Tried on a few pairs of shoes. I want this particular pair which is really cute :) Saw the union jack shorts again, i really really really have to get it!!! Gotta ask mummy for money to buy the shoes and the shorts. We were walking towards the bus stop after leaving Topshop and guess what surprise came for me. I got shat on the head by a bird. It was the 5th time i'd been hit. I hope this means good luck! Anw we took a bus to the market and had Sambal stingray, sotong and kangkong for dinner :P Yummmmmm hehehe. Standard of the food there dropped though. Not as spicy as it used to be. We took a nice stroll over to the nearby playground then decided to call Fran and she asked us to go up to her place. Played Band Hero tgther and took some pictures :) My baby is seriously fucking retarded and cute HAHAHA. 

Left Fran's place after 12.30 and baby sent me off in a cab :)

Yesterday i went over to baby's place at noon. Stayed in bed until late afternoon and ate some rice with chicken, kangkong, egg and tasty tasty luncheon meat that her sister cooked :P I love lazy afternoons with A like this. Baby transferred all 4 seasons of Chuck into my hard disk. I have to get songs from her soon. We left her place and went to Vivo tgther. I insisted we listened to the music in my phone instead of her iPod for a change. Cos i recently put music into my iPhone heehee. Sent baby off to work then took 131 back. Messy and unbelievable incident happened. I was alone throughout and i feel rather proud of myself for my bravery and confidence ;) I'd better not see that fucker again. If i do, hopefully behind bars. HAHAHA. 3 hours were gone just like that and i only reached home past 9pm. Bathed and waited for Cheryl to arrive. Talked when she came then Fran came later on. We spent our night sitting on the bed playing taidi, talking and some eating. Eventually fell asleep when it was almost 6am. Got up at 11.30 this morning, bathed and changed. Got a long lecture from my dad regarding the incident yesterday. Ugh. My dad can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Went downstairs at 1pm and baby was waiting for me :) We all walked towards the bus stop and Cheryl and Fran went home while A and i took a bus to town. Walked around in Taka and tried to look for Elvina but couldn't find her! :( Went window shopping but i managed to get myself 3 new tops hehehe. Really worth it! I wish i had the money to go on a real shopping spree. Bought mango smoothie and had ToriQ. Tontoro Pork, Chicken and Pork with "ASPALA" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA). So tasty. Baby was trying to look for her clothes too but couldn't really find anything. I saw Glenda today when she was working at Edit! We had to leave town at 4 to rush down to Vivo again cos baby had to work AGAIN >:( Didn't send her off this time though :/ She sent me to the other bus stop to take a bus home instead. Got home and packed my room and cleared the mess. Started watching Chuck today and im now on the third episode!! It's really quite interesting and sometimes funny :) Excited for tmrw cos we're all going to Settler's then maybe catching a movie. 

(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2010|04:09 pm]
 Wow i have so much to post about. Was supposed to stay in on Monday but decided to meet A and her sister at Vivo to go job hunting. We didn't exactly have a good time though :/ Applied for GV Gold Class and we were interviewed on the spot :( I was completely unprepared and it was my first job interview. I was fucking nervous and screwed it up. When he asked me why i wanted the job, i said i just need a job for the holidays. Ugh. The next day A got called up and she got the job. Pay is doubled after 11.30pm and when she works past midnight, the company pays for her cab home. I got so upset over the fact that A got the job and i didn't at first. Filled in application forms at Subway and Toys R Us too, but til now we haven't received calls or emails from them. Nobody wants to hire me :( Anyway, A and her sis left at about 7 that day, so i took a bus down to Cheryl's place and accompanied her for dinner at the market. Went over to a bench below her flat to sit down and talk, i left in a cab at 11plus. Continued our job hunt the next day and Cheryl came along too. Cheryl and I applied for a job at Boost and the manager talked to us and told us that he'd email us to go for training. It's now Sunday but still no email. Walked around somemore and got hold of telephone numbers to call to get jobs. Played taidi at Vivo's rooftop. Cheryl left in the evening then A and I went up to the rooftop again to sit down and talk. Spent quite awhile there, had a good time talking to A :) I really love you baby. Bought Mushroom tempura for myself and A got discounted Sushi from Cold Storage! Went back up to eat hehe. When we were on our way out, I noticed the "Buy 3 get 1 free" sign at a video store and immediately got attracted HAHAHA. Ended up leaving the store with Armageddon, Role Models, Cop out and How to lose a guy in 10 days hehe. Went home after that. I love bus rides with you. 

Met Cheryl again on Wednesday. Caught Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at cine. Took a train down to Bishan but we went one whole round before reaching :/ Met Shawn there, got Koi and sat down at the Bus Interchange. He left past 8 and we went down to Raffles Place to get a cake for my mum's birthday. Bought a Caramel Tiramisu cake from Breadtalk for $42, it's really good! Cheryl took 961 back with me :) Got our new sofa delivered that night and it was assembled at around midnight. My mum's birthday present to herself HAHA. Thursday was my only full day at home this week and i stayed home cos it's Mummy's birthday :) Spent my day on the computer though. Went out with Francesca, Cheryl and A yesterday. I was happy cos A came down to my place to meet me and we got Slurpee tgther :) Fran overslept so A and I sat down at a table near the bus stop and played taidi. They called and told us they were reaching the next stop, so she dumped all the cards into her bag and we just ran all the way to the bus stop cos it wasn't THAT near. It was damn funny hahahah. We all went down to Chinatown cos Fran and Cheryl wanted to get Koi. Made our way to Settler's Cafe and reached at about 12 and realised they only opened at 2, so we walked to the mrt station for the aircon. Weather was fucking bad. Sat down on the floor and played taidi again. We're addicts alr. Got chased away by security so we slowly walked over to the Cafe. Played the monkey game, Cheryl had 1 forfeit, A had 1 too, I had THREE and Fran had none -____- We came up with embarrassing acts to do in the middle of Vivo HAHAHAH. Played the Ugly game, Taboo, fruit game and Pictionary too. It was quite worth it there. I spent $6.90 for 4 hrs of game play and free flow of drinks! Left at 6pm then we headed to Vivo. Walked around and A bought clips for work. We sat down by the sea and played taidi. Shawn joined us. Sent A off for work at GV at 8 :( Talked and played more taidi then we went to Fran's place for Band Hero. Stayed til midnight before cabbing home. Woke up early again yesterday and got ready really quickly cos i was late. Met A, Cheryl, Fran, Wm, Nathasha, Genevieve and Feodora at Tiong then we went to Marina Bay and waited for Feodora's friends and Desiree there. Got to Marina Barrage, layed out the picnic mats and took out all the food. Didn't eat that much though. The 5 packets of chips i brought were also untouched. Played some taidi then played monkey and Dog and Bone. There were fucking a lot of dragonflies at the grass area, it was fucking disgusting. Baby broke my necklace when she tackled me onto the ground while playing Dog and Bone :( I also got hit in the crotch area during Monkey. It got way too hot so we all went down to the sheltered area. Got myself an ice cream and a drink, fe lt sooo much better. Played more taidi and murderer and a little bit of truth or dare. Left the place when it started to rain. Feodora and her friends left and we took a bus to Peninsula cos Fran needed to get her stud. Took a bus down to town to check out the movie timings but there was nth so we took another bus down to Safra. Ate at the bowling alley before playing pool for 3 hours til 11plus. It was fun and i improved so much heehee :) 

Airport chase~ [Nov. 30th, 2010|02:54 am]
 Alone time with baby today :)
I wanted to have Popeyes so we went down to the airport in the afternoon. Bought snacks from the supermarket(in big portions). Cheap thrills hahaha. I like grocery shopping with asshole cos it's always fun fun fun. We saw the underwater camera that baby bought for me long ago selling for $12 incl film at one of the shops. Felt fucking cheated cos asshole paid more than double for mine, which came without film. Had chicken and fish at Popeyes and ordered Calamari Rings after which wasn't as good as the first time we tried it at downtown during chalet last week. Stupid asshole was distracted watching Tom & Jerry on the tv at Popeyes >:( Blew 17bucks on our lunch :( Bought ourselves each a cup of mango smoothie and it was super disgusting, like a dilute peppermint drink with a tinge of mango. Got a refund. Explored the airport and took the skytrain here and there. Oh and we stole today!!! Heehee. Baby grabbed me an apple ring and a piece of chocolate for herself from Cocoa Tree HAHAHAHA. Okay whatever la it was fun and all :) Recalled memories we had at the airport. Found our way to the viewing gallery at T2 and sat down. Played taidi and pigged out with our snacks. I won the first 2 games and said i was a pro. From there, i went.....down :( Hmmm anyway we had a great time^^ I bought yuan yang from Wang cafe but i was really full so i couldn't finish it but asshole made me force almost all of it down. It was fucking funny when we were gonna go down to the mrt station and baby grabbed my neck and refused to let me move until i drank more hahahaha. Almost spat out my tea. Left the airport and we went to Vivo cos i was craving for laksa! Watched videos and listened to music otw. Only reached vivo at about 9.30 and we were the last customers at the laksa stall. Shared a bowl of $4.20 laksa which wasn't exactly worth it cos it wasn't spicy. Walked around after our meal cos we were both fucking bloated. My stomach literally felt like it was giong to explode. Baby sent me back and we had a good time on the bus too hehe. 

Today i accidentally ripped off my alr hanging nail on my thumb and it cut into my flesh too.Idk how to describe it but now my thumb nail is gonna be shorter. Ugh. It is so ugly now. I need to redo my nails. I want patterns!! My pedi still maintained though. I feel pretty happy the past few days cos i've been having an American Pie marathon. I'm almost finishing up with Beta House now, only left with The Book of Love and i'll be done with all 7 movies :) Baby keeps trying to get me to watch Chuck but it is so fucking boringggg. I'm up now uploading Shanghai/Europe pics from dec last year onto fb. Yes i am this bored and awake. At 2.51am. At least i've got nth on tmrw cos A has to go for some Eurasian Association thing. Excited for Wednesday cos it's the 1st :P But baby is flat broke and i don't have as much money as i think i should be having, so we're not gonna do anything special :/ Okay i am going back to uploading pics and watching American Pie :D
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