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How do you know if there's something wrong with you? I don't… - Sally [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Jul. 6th, 2013|07:47 pm]
How do you know if there's something wrong with you? I don't understand myself and I don't know why I'm so anxious, scared, upset, nervous, angry and so much more all the time. I hate this about myself and the worst part is that I don't know why. Am I just on the extreme end of being a sensitive, emotional and insecure girl? Or is there more to it? Am I just trying to find excuses for my awful personality and mentality? I know it's not healthy but I still do this to myself. I'm so scared. I'm always scared that people don't like me. I want to please everybody I meet and I want people to like me. I feel so rejected by the world and isolated. I feel like a failure when so many people around me have achieved so much. I'm even afraid to post this on my blog because I'm afraid of judgement from people. Why do the smallest issues trigger my tears? Sometimes I honestly don't even know why I'm crying, I just suddenly feel so scared, pressured and frustrated for no reason and I just cry. Then I feel stupid for crying for no reason and get angry with myself. Why do I care so much about my friends but feel like none of them care as much about my friendship? Am I doing something wrong? Why are my friends so critical about everything I do? Critical about the way I look...why do you have to point out whether I've gained weight or lost weight? Why do you have to comment on how my make-up changes, how my dressing has changed and everything? You know it hurts me, you know I get really affected by these things yet you guys continue doing it. Seriously speaking, I do believe that sometimes you do it on purpose, that you guys intentionally hurt my feelings. Just so you can watch me get upset over it, then criticise me for being so sensitive and insecure. But then I do get angry with myself for thinking these things about my friends because, how can I actually think my friends are that cruel? I'm really such a mess and I feel so alone in this. I don't believe that I can trust even a single person. I doubt everybody's actions and I just can't believe that people genuinely care, as much as I try to force myself to. Are my friends just saying they love me and care about me just for the sake of it? Am I just the friend that they all can easily call up when they have time to kill? I wonder if my friends actually enjoy spending time with me. Am I too boring? Am I too irritating? When I think a little deeper, I believe that I will never be able to break out of this. Struggling with such crazy emotions and thoughts for years and they're not going away. Seriously, is there something wrong with me?