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(no subject) [Jul. 6th, 2013|07:47 pm]
How do you know if there's something wrong with you? I don't understand myself and I don't know why I'm so anxious, scared, upset, nervous, angry and so much more all the time. I hate this about myself and the worst part is that I don't know why. Am I just on the extreme end of being a sensitive, emotional and insecure girl? Or is there more to it? Am I just trying to find excuses for my awful personality and mentality? I know it's not healthy but I still do this to myself. I'm so scared. I'm always scared that people don't like me. I want to please everybody I meet and I want people to like me. I feel so rejected by the world and isolated. I feel like a failure when so many people around me have achieved so much. I'm even afraid to post this on my blog because I'm afraid of judgement from people. Why do the smallest issues trigger my tears? Sometimes I honestly don't even know why I'm crying, I just suddenly feel so scared, pressured and frustrated for no reason and I just cry. Then I feel stupid for crying for no reason and get angry with myself. Why do I care so much about my friends but feel like none of them care as much about my friendship? Am I doing something wrong? Why are my friends so critical about everything I do? Critical about the way I look...why do you have to point out whether I've gained weight or lost weight? Why do you have to comment on how my make-up changes, how my dressing has changed and everything? You know it hurts me, you know I get really affected by these things yet you guys continue doing it. Seriously speaking, I do believe that sometimes you do it on purpose, that you guys intentionally hurt my feelings. Just so you can watch me get upset over it, then criticise me for being so sensitive and insecure. But then I do get angry with myself for thinking these things about my friends because, how can I actually think my friends are that cruel? I'm really such a mess and I feel so alone in this. I don't believe that I can trust even a single person. I doubt everybody's actions and I just can't believe that people genuinely care, as much as I try to force myself to. Are my friends just saying they love me and care about me just for the sake of it? Am I just the friend that they all can easily call up when they have time to kill? I wonder if my friends actually enjoy spending time with me. Am I too boring? Am I too irritating? When I think a little deeper, I believe that I will never be able to break out of this. Struggling with such crazy emotions and thoughts for years and they're not going away. Seriously, is there something wrong with me? 

(no subject) [Mar. 3rd, 2012|12:09 am]
I miss you so much

Not worth a single thing [Feb. 2nd, 2011|10:26 pm]

What problem do you have with me?
-"Almost everything"

Why so hostile towards me?
-"You're not worth it."

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


Hidden ≠ Happy??? [Jan. 29th, 2011|11:01 pm]
I survived this busy busy busy week! I'm going to talk abt Cheryl's birthday celebration first. It was the most successful one we had for CP :) I met her at Tiong on Thursday afternoon and brought her down to Pasir Ris. We both transferred money then went round White Sands searching for a shop that sold balloons cos Cheryl demanded that i buy her a birthday balloon -__- She didn't get her balloon in the end cos those that we found were really expensive. And she didn't want the roses i offered to buy, so too bad, it's her loss :P Blindfolded her with my sash and blasted music into her ears before Desiree met us then we walked to Downtown.

It wasn't at all an easy task to lead a blindfolded person who also couldn't hear whenever i warned her abt a curb or staircase. Hahaha. The person stationed at the entrance to Costa Sands chopped Cheryl's cheeks and she freaked. Hehehe. Surprised Cheryl in the room and gave her our presents. We all walked out to E!Hub to get Cup Walker then back to the room to rest before heading out again to meet Feodora and rented our bicycles. Cycled back to the chalet to meet Shawn and prepared the cake then surprised Cheryl again. Got back on our bikes and the 3.5 hr long adventure began. Used GPS to find our way to Bedok Reservoir and spent barely 5 mins there! We got lost on our way back. We had to return all the bicycles after returning to our room. Shawn left, and the rest of us went to 7-eleven to buy cup noodles and got shampoo and toothpaste. Everyone took a shower then we had our noodles and ate some of the cake. Didn't do much alr and we fell asleep at 3plus i think. The next morning was a nightmare for everyone. Im sorry i ruined everything, really. I have some explaining to do...We eventually ended up at Seoul Garden for lunch. Ate so much and played 21 to finish up the food. We left Pasir Ris and the rest went home while Andreanna and I followed Feodora back to her place. Played some MD there then we accompanied her to the vet where we played more MD, then we had our dinner at a hawker centre before going down to the clinic. I left in a cab before 11.

I only managed to upload the above picture cos Livejournal just really sucks and i'm way too lazy to use Photobucket.

Training at Red Mango @ CBP on Monday and Tuesday cos i was coughing too much for work on Wednesday! It's pretty difficult to communicate with Lingqiu cos i don't always understand what she's saying and i don't speak proper chinese too :( We would've hit it off really well if it weren't for my lousy Chinese speaking skills. It's so fun working at Red Mango!!! I don't like lubricating the machine parts though, the oil is so disgusting. I enjoy cutting the fruits. Hehe. Made friends with Samantha too :) I suck at swirling the yoghurt. I screwed up so badly on Tuesday. Got really nervous while serving a customer cos there was a queue behind him that i toppled a whole medium sized cup of yoghurt with slices of kiwi and peach alr inside it. I also dropped orea crumbs onto the Mango cubes. Lingqiu got so frustrated and did everything by herself. I just stood aside and cried :( I never knew working at a froyo shop could be so stressful :'( I thought Lingqiu was angry at me but she assured me she wasn't after the crowd was gone. Sometimes i swirl really beautiful cups of yoghurt but most of the time i do it so ugly. Feel so useless and i thought i was causing many problems for them during the lunch hour. Ugh. I went to meet Fran, Zx Feodora and Andreanna after work on Tuesday for sambal food :) I had work again today at Esplanade. It was only a 4 hr shift, so im not tired and it was so so slack over there. There were barely any customers. Had chilli crab flavoured cup noodles while working. Brought home a tub plus another cup of froyo today for free cos Lingqiu told me to!! Hehe. Benefits of working at a froyo shop^^ Work again on Monday and Lingqiu won't be with me :( I'm nervous abt it.

Hooked on. [Jan. 23rd, 2011|12:43 am]
Took part in my very first flea today :) I spent 2 hours last night picking out the unwanted clothes and price tagging and folding them with my mum. Got into an arguement with my dad over a waist pouch. Urgh. No surprise there. Lugged 2 huge bags of clothes and hangers this morning where Fran picked me up then we headed down to Esplanade. We started setting up our booth at 12. Fran left to cut her hair, and i stayed at the booth with her mum til abt 3. The flea was alright, not too bad cos it was in an air-conditioned room and it wasn't crammy there. I didn't really buy anything. Earned $81 at the end of the day!!

I went for a job interview at Red Mango @ Marina Bay Link Mall on Thursday, Cheryl accompanied me :) The person who interviewed me called me yesterday and told me im hired! Hehe. I finally have a job. Went to the salon yesterday to dye and cut my hair. I neatened up my eyebrows too. Was there from 3-6pm. Hahahha. Met up with Fran and Zhixin and headed over to Valley Point to have Starbucks. Got home at around 10.

Im excited for the coming week!! :) Training at Changi business park on Monday til Wednesday from 9.30am-7.30pm. 10 fucking hours. Gonna be so fucking exhausted but i know it'll be fun :) Cheryl's birthday on Thursday then i've got work at Esplanade on Saturday. Busy week. Feeling nervous abt it...

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